Let me start this off by saying: I am NOT judging anyone. I’ve done these very same things I’m going to talk about. I am also not talking about Poly situations.
So here we go.
Marital Infidelity and BDSM
Infidelity is defined as:
a. Unfaithfulness to a sexual partner, especially a spouse.
b. An act of sexual unfaithfulness.
No doubt, this is a common thing outside of BDSM. As a young married woman, I felt victimized, betrayed by a hundred things more important than me, abandoned, left behind. I was the definition of a neglected wife. My husband at the time was so straight, you could use his sexuality as a level. I was an adulterer. I had intercourse with another man in the bed I shared with my husband.
And the couch.
But I’m making light of a situation, had my husband known, well I can’t say what would have happened. Our marriage would have ended, but it ended anyway. I say this to shed light on the fact that infidelity is not uncommon outside of our alternative lifestyle.
It is taboo. It is exciting. It is devastating.
But inside. In this world we create. It is surprisingly accepted. In some places expected. When navigating the limited dating resources we have a profile photo of someone’s genitals is a normal practice. “Discretion” is a common word meaning, I have a spouse at home.
I’ve settled for parking lot lunch meetings, hotel room overnights, sitting in the bathroom while my partner says goodnight to the wife and kids. I’ve pretended not to know, care, or concern myself with life away from me.
I make a forgiving “other woman”. A great girl friend. An effusive submissive. A phenomenal friend. An empathetic partner. A sensual lover.
Yet, time and time again, married men. Who are in “monogamous” marriages and “poly” D/s relationships find me. Become captivated, ensnared, enamored, slaves.
Am I undeserving of being a primary partner?
Am I only accepting what I think I deserve?
What is the deal? Because I feel like I’m being shorted. In a major way.