Parties and parties and parties

I had such a juicy experience, I’m literally sore from it. My calves and knees. *sigh* lovely lovely.

I’ve also reached a new level of understanding about people in (not in?) my life.

And a new level of understanding in myself.

Also my knees hurt. Lol

I don’t have many more words but I do have a photo.

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Love and light
A

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Parties and parties and parties

Rocked by your love

I want you to hold me

Weigh me down with the depth of your words

Slide your tongue against my scars and always find me mouth watering

Sing to me while I sob into your chest, the pain you take but didn’t cause.

Cradle me when I curl into you and whisper my passion into your heart.

My lips brushing the sensitive skin right above it.

Rock me with your love.

Rocked by your love

Biting and primal play

I’ve struggled with my submissive self for almost a year now. I haven’t desired to submit but a handful of times. Then over committed myself with someone, that only threw me back. It’s been a struggle to get back to stable ground. But, here I am.

Occasionally on fetlife, I’d been asked to give definition of hedonist. Mainly by men who are just looking for a fuck buddy. I’m so much more than a fuck buddy, honestly I won’t be one. Because like everything else in my life, I over invest. So even just fucking is out of the question, funny thing, when I let you inside of my body. I’m sharing my sacredness with you and I’m taking yours in. Makes sense to me.

Anyway, this comes down to me expressing myself honestly. There has always been this very primal side I have to tuck away. I’ve had to temper it, disguise it, pretend it’s not there. Partners already find my affection overwhelming. So, it’s always given me a fair amount if trepidation to really open up and let someone in.

But, there was this moment ages ago, one moment where I got close to opening up. He is a sensation junkie, any touch sends him into overdrive. My teeth slow bit into his trap, he stiffened under me. My chest pressing into his back. As my teeth moved further into his muscle I brought him down ever so gently.

He brought his face to my mattress and lay there. A perfect act of submission. I kept my teeth in place as my hand slid between his legs. His balls fit beautifully into my palm, while he attempted to regulate his breathing. I bit harder. Amping him up. Exciting me. Letting go of that spasming muscle must have been like ripping clamps off.

Quickly and in random order the rest of his back called to me. Adding suction or testing his newly bitten skin with my tongue had me in overdrive. It felt heated, sensual, sexual. So primal. I would gasp and moan when he did. I was absolutely feeding off of his energy. I HAD to walk away. I was terrified he had begun to judge me. Slightly horrified at myself for being so excited my mouth was watering.

I felt guilty.

Guilty that I’m too much.

Guilty that I may have to always hide myself.

Biting and primal play

Coma

This new place I live in is inspiring some of my not as awesome traits to wake up their ugly heads. I’ve been binge drinking, maybe bringing it into the light of day will make me stop. Because then I’ll realize how much I hate myself when I do it. It starts off simply enough, texting my room mate to see if she would like to have ONE with me. One turns into 6 doubles and a handful of shots. That’s a lot of alcohol.

On top of this strange relationship I’ve developed with food. I’m craving weird crap, like sweet pickle, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. (WTF?!) I’m nauseated halfway through and then can’t keep it down.

So.

Yeah.

There’s that stuff. But other than that, I’m horny. (Finally) it’s all the time and I’m bringing extra panties to work. But it’s back and I’m cherishing it. I’m very satisfied in the relationships and friendships I have going on. I only desperately ache for those who aren’t with me anymore, on occasion. I’m trying not to spend too much time trying to figure out the alcohol issue. Hoping it will pass when life settles down a little.

In the interim: I wish you peace and light. Fall is here!

*doing the fall dance*

A

Coma

Fall

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Forever and ever until I can’t say it anymore. I love the fall. Love cooler months. It took everything in me not to walk naked through the back yard. But there is zero privacy, so it’s too soon. The weather is incredible here in my little Southern state.

My post last night, about needing. It was an intense ride. But, the moment I lay down in my bed exhaustion greeted me. I slept harder than any one person should be allowed. I’m so thankful right now, for my new home, job, clients, opportunities. For old friends assuming new roles in my life. For new friends who are becoming companions. This is an incredible season for me and it’s kicked off in amazing style.

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Fall

Holy moly

Been a while since I felt this humming need.

For hands around my throat, as I lay underneath you and squirm.

Fucking hurt me.

It’s like electricity running through my veins.

This need.

I’m having trouble catching my breath, imagining the things I would ask you to do to me.

Seeing the smolder in your eyes turn into a raging inferno.

Maybe I can get you to burn as hot as I do.

Just this once.

I need you to destroy me.

My body trembles.

If I reach out will you take my hand?

Holy moly