The List

1 Rope orgasm 2/2/2014
2 Clothed orgasm2/16/2014
3 Buy a dslr3/20/14
4 Acquire passport 6/18/14
5 Use passport5/28/14
6 Take a cruise
7 Drive to New Orleans3/23/14
8 Be a total tourist in a new place 5/4/14
9 Get a massage and a facial 6/20/14
10 Actively submit 8/2/14
11 Fall in love
12 Dance
13 Sing8/29/14
14 Kiss someone you’re crazy about 2/1/2014
15 Tell them an intimate secret2/9/2014
16 Watch one new movie a month (5/11)
17 Read one new book a month (11/11) jumped the gun on this one 🙂
18 Find a museum and go2/20/2014
19 Paint something2/20/2015
20 Create something with someone you care about
21 Cook a new dish (11)
22 Write letters to those you love (Ashley, Cason, Hannah) give it to them
23 Max out on orgasms
24 Go for a boat ride5/4/14
25 Listen to a new band2/9/2014
26 Actively love yourself
27 Buy a new dress 3/12/14
28 Take LOTS of photos
29 Stay at a fancy hotel 6/4/14
30 Have a house party
31 Stay in bed all day with someone you adore
32 Make floor cushions
33 Buy and use “art is love” canvas
34 Get a tattoo 2/1/2014
35 Get family photos taken
36 Take a photo of each partner you have this year
37 Get a proper spanking2/16/2014
38 Flirt 8/2/14
39 Orgasm from just breast play 4/6/14
40 Experience anal
41 Swim in a lake
42 Kiss in the rain
43 Complete this list!
44 Help a stranger as often as possible
45 Build an herb garden 3/4/14
46 Try a brand new event (BED April)6/4/14
47 Bake for your neighbor
48 Float in a swimming pool5/4/14

I’m so looking forward to this. I have until December 31 to complete.

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The List

As close to a resolution as I’ve ever gotten

My moms death has brought to light that I’m not really living. Surviving perhaps, but not living. So I’m going to start a journey that will take the rest of the year. Each week I’ll post my goal and catalog the results.

I’m looking forward to this.

As close to a resolution as I’ve ever gotten

My mom

It’s daunting just starting posts these days, sitting here staring at a white screen. My mom died yesterday morning, January 22, 2014.

It was beautiful and peaceful with my sister and I at her side. She just simply ceased to flourish on this plane.

My mom

Disowned

One of the not so wonderful sides of my nature is cutting people out of my life. Family in particular, I have a firm belief that if I wouldn’t choose to spend time with you if we met in a random way. I sure as hell am not spending time with you because we are relatives. Especially if you’ve given me nothing but nightmares from the start.

My mothers hospital stay has turned very serious and her family has gotten very ugly. So much so that I had to rush to get power of attorney yesterday to insure that moms wishes will be satisfied. The doctor mentioned that we might have to decide whether or not to put her on life support.

Today I’m sitting with my grandmother, who has spent my entire life playing favorites and being manipulative. And after her display of distaste towards me yesterday, I am done. So done it feels like a fjord between us. It’s interesting when you move out of dislike for someone and into complete indifference.

Disowned

Everything at a halt

Friday mom was admitted into the hospital, today she’s on a breathing machine. It’s late and I’m tired.

My sister is at the hospital tonight with her and I hear the most adorable light snoring of her son next to me. It’s such a contrast. Hearing him and remembering the mechanical pumping of that awful machine.

I keep getting texts, we are praying, you must pray, everyone is praying. Praying. Praying. Praying, I always wondered, like funerals, if prayer is meant only for the person doing it, something that will give them fuel to feel like they are making a change.

I desperately want to be held, or loved, something. I want to be loved, in a real way. The sort of way that will let me lean on them when I have to attend her services.

For tonight, I’m just listening to this incredible child breathing.

Everything at a halt