We all deserve to break, I hope anyway. Funny how me breaking is really just a blog post, removing friends from social media, and cleaning out my closet. After my rage induced evening I took my new medication and let it do the craptastic magic that it does. I slept. Dreamless sleep.
I read Marian Green’s post this morning, let me see if I can link it via phone. Her latest post, if you don’t know her yet spend some time there. Anyway, it made me smile in the 8 minutes I’ve been awake. I have been, for the last few weeks, wanting to just grab my best friend and go. Find a city we’ve never been too and dance until we can’t anymore. Reading her words pleased me in some way.
I keep thinking back to this personality test my new therapist gave me. I’m sure you’re familiar with it, The Meyers-Briggs test, I knew without knowing that I’d be labeled INFP. I’ve always loved tests and things that let me explore my psyche more. Beth, the therapist, told me that she was impressed with my self awareness. She also called me out on a few things, in a loving way. About my poly and open aspirations, about my marriage to my ex husband at 18. At this point in time I’m open to receiving insight. Luckily it’s why I’m seeing her. But, it’s also given me a lot to process since Thursday. I feel like I’m still uncovering our words these four days later.
I feel a little lighter having cleaned out my closet. I’m not the type of woman to have endless amounts of clothes. I have a few cocktail dresses that I can dress up or down and wear them anywhere. And the basically work clothes, which makes up my everyday wear anyway. No use wearing pencil skirts in my profession.
Now on the flip side of the coin, hand bags, THOSE I have. You can see my progression in them. Even though currently I find myself with a book sack in which to carry files and my laptop. My wallet just gets thrown in there. The ever growing collection of designer name bags sit stuffed in my closet shelf. Maybe I’ll explore that next time in my counseling session.
Why am I just rambling. Maybe to get to the point I’m really terrified of. That I woke up aroused. I woke up with my body seeking an outlet of release. I’ve had two orgasm’s since the 28 of last month. The second I felt so shameful, it’s laughable really. It started in my bed, the pillows locked down tight over my eyes and ears. Then I panicked and imagined my entire body covered in painful abrasions. Moments later I was in the shower water running hot enough to make my skin red. My body and mind in orbit from the simple stimulations. Every single time something enters my core, it’s like I can’t breathe. Or I forget too, my eyes roll back, I’m told there is a small smile that crosses my lips. Every pulse radiates from my center like pure rays of joy. Moving seductively over my form, curling in tight and sucking back down to one point. Down to this epicenter of pleasure. I’m not sure if I notice before or after, but my breathing stops completely. I shatter, the world shatters. Then the magnetic force of it all brings me back together. There was no emotional release after this one. I just stood in the shower and went about my day.
I feel like my Aunt Martha, as if I’m writing just to say I had bananas in my cereal. But, my fur children are demanding breakfast.
One last photo, because this time she posed for me.
It’s time to feed them before they decide to find it on their own. Then I’m off to film a commercial for my business. I’ll let you imagine the humrous situation this could be lol. No need for me to say it. I hope you have a lovely Sunday.