I started with an idea for this post, maybe with a few minutes of writing it will return to me. Over the last few weeks as my relationship reaches its own rhythm, we have learned plenty about one another. Because of my service nature I’ve kept track of small things, how he likes his pillows, the right amount of ice in his cup, vegetable to protein ratio on his plate. I try to log these things, I work towards making my presence useful and appreciated. I serve.
In my domestic service at times, the sexual submissive wiggles her fingers wanting recognition. So used to being rewarded with sexual gratification, so trained that way in the past. Training that you believe in/enjoy, turns out to be a difficult habit to break. At times disappointment has caught up with me that this relationship does not reflect others I’ve enjoyed. That there is no punishment/reward system. That there is no task assignment, and at times my schedule and our life wouldn’t allow it anyway. Further reflection provides that this just isn’t the nature of things at this time. It may never be.
But, it makes me no less submissive. It makes my service no less important. In a small way for me, the lack of “rules and regulations”, the missing “reward” system makes my continued dedication to service that much more important for me. Knowing I am providing without overstepping, a quiet support. Enjoying the times of power exchange when they do happen. Remembering that it is unfair for everyone involved to compare our relationship to someone else’s. It is damaging to measure it up against the “perfect idea of D/s”. Because what we are doing right now is what works for us. There are frequent conversations about how we can improve our relationship. Not just with ourselves but with the community. How we can help, even in the face of whatever obstacles lay in the way. Moreover when that obstacle is one we have laid out because of our own issues.
There has been so much talk lately of cute submissive rebellion, it makes my relationship choices feel unpopular. Especially in the reality of less regimented D/s. It makes me forget the importance of my submission, both for me and for my Sir. Even when days pass and he hasn’t noticed that Ive not done the laundry or swept the floor. A part of me realizes that many people may read this and stand in defense of either one of us. That is not the point of this writing. I believe in a learning community of like minded individuals. Reading this may in fact give someone, D or s (or any of the other wonderful categories we fall into), a moment of thanks that they aren’t alone. That BDSM is not always all about the whips and canes. The rules and regulations. We are real people with real lives. Doing the best we can with what we have.