The tale of a little goddess

Long ago, before you and I were ever ephemerally formed for this ecstatic ride, there was a great storm. It flooded the Earth and was destroying all life forms, animals, people, and plants alike. The gods, sitting high and mighty grew very concerned, when after some time the storm had not ceased! It continued to grow and destroy, threatening our very own Mother Earth. Her bones growing weary under the weight of the vicious storms pressure. Legend has it that in the peak of this storm a goddess was born. With her birth the storm ceased and we were once again able to flourish on our lands. Her name is Bagalamukhi.

I am very blessed in my profession, people of all walks of life come to me. We share so much. Our sorrows and joys, I guide them through the sometimes lifelong chronic pain of this life experience. On multiple occasions I have been by their side, hands on as this life journey has ended for them. I have felt the last breath to leave a persons body. With it the memories and emotions casting itself out. What I do sometimes, is powerful stuff. Within this year I’ve had a new and very cherished person enter my life. For the sake of internet anonymity we will call her Raven.

From the moment she entered my office I knew I would love her. In the real way, not whatever dismissive way we “omg i luv u so much” people. But, in the way you love a friend you’ve known your whole life. Her soul spoke to mine. We connected. Along with being highly intuitive she is greatly complimentary, similar to the way I love my people. There have been times its strange being on the other end of that intention. Im learning to accept her love with grace. What strikes me as “share-worthy” this afternoon is a name she’s called me multiple times now. Little goddess.

It empowers me to hear those words. Her affirmation of my life energy as a professional, as a human, has blown my world open. Without knowing it, she has reinvigorated my troops so to speak. She has reminded me that while the room I’m in may be dark and closing in, I have only to turn the door knob in my hand to allow myself into the next phase of my life. I am the only one holding me back. She’s reminding me that I have the power to be reborn, the power to stop my own storms.

How lucky am I?

This junction also reminds me of something I read weeks ago:

“Somedays, I’ll just be too much woman. Too smart, too beautiful, too strong. Too much of something, that may make a man feel like less of a man. The biggest mistake I can make, is to remove jewels from my crown, to make it easier for a man to carry. Please, understand, I do not need a smaller crown.”

This in no way is a reflection on any of my personal relationships. Only the most intimate relationship of all, the one with myself.

Im feeling very loved today. Because I’m remembering to love myself. Im also closing this with a reminder, its ok to love yourself too.

A

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The tale of a little goddess

Its all about change

Some days I feel as if I carry the world. Other days i wish the weight could just crush me under it. My business is struggling. No, its failing. Ive failed in it. So I’m trying like mad to hang onto the last remaining vital support i have. Im looking to find smaller office space and I’ve cut all of my expenses. Even some necessary ones. Roughly $450 dollars in monthly expense. Which doesn’t seem like much, but i haven’t gotten a paycheck since …. some time last year and really i just float money back and forth between my accounts. Its scary isn’t it? I even sent out 5 resume’s in the last 24 hours, looking for part time anything.

This is what happens when friends become your clients and when your clients become your friends. The ones who come and pay regularly either seek discounts or you lose the friendship. Losing one client a month is a big damn deal when your practice is as small as mine is. Im bereft at the moment and blaming myself. This is so hard.

Its all about change

Reprieve

I’ve been feeling the need to pull back lately. I feel as if I’m being attacked on every front. This usually means there is something happening in a primary relationship of mine. I feel especially defensive of my relationship with my partner. Everything is a jumbled mess of wires.

I’m also having a swing of melancholy at the moment. I feel as if I owe everyone, which is precisely the reason I don’t ask for help.

This should be bulleted.

I’d like to start today over again.

Reprieve