At Your Feet

I love reading other people’s experiences. It’s so often they reflect my own

littlesubmissivebird

I finally know what it’s like.

To kneel at your Dom’s feet.

Sir had me kneel, naked at his feet while he sat on the couch.  He guided my head to rest on his lap and he stroked my hair while he asked me all about my day, my submission and myself.

It doesn’t sound like much but it was a profound moment for me.

It set the tone, and I felt small and submissive, safe and cared for.

It was beautiful.

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At Your Feet

Monthly update

With some amusement I notice, that I’ve been posting only once a month or so. Things are strange here in relationship land. Maybe making bullet points will help me get my information together.

● The D/s we are in does not feel very D/s to me, I’ve been thinking on this rather extensively. It’s actually not D/s at all. I don’t feel in anyway that I am submissive. On the bimonthly occasion that we are at a play party I feel like one of his regular bottoms. Not in any way that we have a power exchange.

● I also don’t feel that I’m a very good bottom for him. Our play feels hollow to me. I think in part because there is no power exchange.

●I don’t enjoy “bottoming” I crave to submit and I don’t feel like I can do that to someone who isn’t my Dominant. Bottoming, for me, feels like a facade.

● I’ve recently questioned literally all of the things I’ve thought were my kinks. Making this list is shedding light on a primary issue. M is a sadist, pure and true. I don’t hurt for people I’m not the little “s” for. If I’m being hurt for pleasure during sex, and there is no D/s, I feel violated. Not stimulated.

● My sex life is a barren field. Because of the faulty workings of our attempted D/s I’m shutting down.

● I’m starting to shut down everywhere actually.

● I don’t know how to have this conversation.

Monthly update