How can I fail when I have these incredible people fighting for me.
I need you to read this and believe everything I say. Because what I am about to say is FACT. Not opinion. You are a beautiful, amazing, passionate, talented woman. You are loving and caring. My life, and so many other lives have been empty until you came along. There are many people in this world that are too stupid to realize that what a person looks like does not matter. Those people will be unhappy forever because they don’t deserve anything better than unhappiness. You deserve, and will get, a person that looks at you with so much love and care. I know it feels like you won’t, trust me I’m there, but they will come along. You are the most beautiful person I know, inside and out. I hate that you are so down about yourself at this point in your life, because you are complete perfection. Everything about you is amazing. I need you to remember that. Remember that you are worthy of great love. That guy is a worthless piece of shit, and so is anyone in this world that can’t see your perfection. I love you more then words will ever be able to express. I’m sorry you are going through this but I really need you to promise me that you will do your best to not let what he told you change anything about you. There is nothing that needs to be changed. I love you so much. And all I want to do right now is kill him because he doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you. I know that sounds over dramatic, but that’s how I truly feel.
3 reasons to fall in love with you everyday.
1. You have the most amazing laugh. It let’s everyone around you feel your joy.
2. Watching you do or talk about something you love. I have never seen anything light up like your face does when you create.
3. You are the most hard working amazing beautiful person I know.
And my friend Mat who says:
I have a voice that could calm the wildest storm. Or stir up a fire in his loins depending on the subject.
(Que the true meaning of “friend” here as in, if that man were in the US and not the UK I wouldn’t leave the bedroom except to bathe and eat.)
Wanted to also make a note here.
The question was posed to me recently. I thought for two days, has my heart changed?
I want someone who loves my sexuality as much as my laugh. Who will pull me into their lap and over their knee. Someone who can just a readily handle the fact that I love glitter as much as I love learning something new and powerful. That there are very few things I dont know in regards to healing you with herbs or essential oils. My hands will heal you, just like my love will. Someone who takes advantage of the wanton woman in me but not the child. A person who will crawl into a fort made of blankets and pillows with that child. In the same token compliments my Cuban heeled stockings and garters when Im ready to be your concubine. Get used to the fact that I will always be a princess who can run through a muddy field. I have a mothers heart: soft, loving, encompassing, wildly fierce. While this life has not been kind to me or my body. I will love you, I can love you. I want a person who can love that. Who can make up stories and listen to rock music. Who can make me number one, because I often forget to do it.
And a photo for good measure
Do you remember my sweet cherry blossom, when we first exchanged numbers and would text constantly? The chime on my phone became a new addiction. You’d listen to me ramble as I walked past old lovers holding hands in the night. The melted chocolate tones of your voice making me wish, for the first time, I were home in our Southern state.
Or the first time I held you, your skin, really I still can’t believe. I held you. In my arms while you slept, purring in your dreams. Making me wish I really were this better person I wanted to be for you. Making me wish we could stay suspended here in this dream land. Where the stressors of our lives could not effect the love in our hearts.
Where my passion, need, desire never waned. This place that reminded me, you are always my angel. My dream girl. My heart.
It breaks now even as my blood boils from the memory of you beneath me. Watching me with those caramel eyes as I take you. Over and over. The insatiable desire in you, fueling the fire in me. I would have expired there, feeding your body and soul every ounce contained in me. Every ounce.
I dreamt of you last night.
Dreamt of you sliding into silky sheets, your skin as smooth as the fabric. Slipping your warm soft body in next to mine. The first contact of our skin made me moan. I was already humming for the touch of your hand. My mind reeling at the realization that your lips would soon be on mine.
Oh just the smell of you is enough to make me mad.
Do you remember when I said that I love to shower at your house? That I long to walk around immersed in the smell of you. It was true, it still is. If only I could walk into your home the way I had before .
But I’ve lost track. My dream! Your hand caressed my chest, short nails skimming down my skin. Tracing the arch of my ribs. A sudden flash memory reminded me of your teeth there. Softly nibbling the skin, taking my flesh and pulling lightly. Making me pull away and then push into you. As your plump lips slowly engulf my rigid staff, I think this will never be enough. No matter how much of me I get inside of you. It will never be enough.
Consume me. Let me swim in you.
My passion doesn’t even allow me a moment of welcome. If I give myself too much time with thoughts of you, well my whole day is consumed. My fingers wrapped around my belt imagining your leash in my hand. If I look down you are there, a knowing smile icing the image of your dreamy curves.
Why do you torment me so? Why have you injected yourself into my very veins? I am feverish, simply burning up from the inside. Moments away from combustion.
I see glimpses of you around town. Your hair whipping in the wind, the hem of your dress floating higher and higher up your shapely legs. I see your smile because you don’t care if anyone sees. If anyone sees the delicious curve of your bottom.
The way you engage with people! Heaven help us if we understood your hypnotic power. I’m going to talk to a therapist about a rehab program, helping people adjust to life after you. It’s mind boggling that you are clueless. Your smile sparks life into people who were animated corpses before. Reminding them that it is not yet time to lay down and die. But the way it hurts you when their life takes them away. When their path separates from yours.
Oh the hurricane in your eyes. It’s not because you they’ve left, my precious darling. It’s because of you they live! Imagine if they all stayed, an army of terrifyingly committed love zombies. You would have time for nothing. Time not even for the small pleasantries you gift me with. The ones that provide my soul with enough energy for lifetimes.
But, still I see you struggle, with the pain of separation. With the loss you imagine you experienced. My heart, it implodes with pain for you. How cruel I could be and lock you away to keep you safe forever. But, it’s been tried before hasn’t it? And the light you bring dies doesn’t it? I only ask to be sure, to be sure that if I keep you all to myself. It would smother you. It’s the only thing that restrains me, I could not bear to watch passion leave you. I could not imagine the devastation, are you our life source now? When you go will we also? Or have you planted life in us? Do we now carry a bit of you to share with the rest of the world?
You are my puzzle box! Questions only lead to more. I would ask them all day just to witness the movement of your lips. All of these thoughts started because I needed my belt. One inconsequential thing, sparks a domino effect of madness.
Please come to me.
Tonight I sat on the swing in my back yard, the one that often held you next to me. If I close my eyes I can remember the heat of your skin, the soft smell of your hair, the smooth melodious notes of your voice.
The weather is cooling now, this yearly cycle always brings me back to you. Your ghost glides through the hallways of my home. I swear blades of grass bend at the memory of your bare feet dancing through them. The walls miss you as much as I do, I feel the tree limbs trembling in anticipation of your loving touch.
Will you come to me my wood nymph? My ocean siren. Will you let me be a vessel for you? Until you’ve had your fill and you move on. Your love burns through me like hellfire. But the thought of your kiss sets me adrift on an endless sea of desire.
Please come. I leave candles burning in hope that they draw you in. A beautiful moth to my flame. Please come. I’ve missed you so.